Hachiman Route
by OregairuLamp
Summary: A direct continuation from Vol 13 of the light novels spawned by the impatience of waiting for Vol 14. A take on how the series could close some of the remaining issues and how Hikigaya Hachiman finds his ending. Contains massive spoilers up to the end of Vol 13. Please do not read unless you've read to that point.
1. Prologue

MASSIVE SPOILERS UP TO THE END OF VOL 13. Please do not read unless you've read to that point.

* * *

I stood in my room with the door behind me, unaware of the steps I took between leaving that room and arriving this one.

Did I ride my bike back or did I walk it home? Did I even bring it with me today to begin with?

In all honesty, it truly didn't matter. I just wanted to forget what happened, desperate to bury these memories with the rest of my dark past.

I'm sure that with enough time, these also will join the rest of my painful memories, sealed deep inside my mind where no one can touch them. But right now, they stuck to me, pestering me relentlessly like a swarm of locusts, their presence disrupting any ability for me to think about anything else.

I fell on my bed and closed my tired eyes, allowing the memories to engulf me and take over completely.

The room dyed in a deep orange from the setting sun, with her and just her inside. Only she stood out from that monochromatic room which threatened to overwhelm everything with its color including the frail figure standing by the window-side, but her presence proved to be the greater.

Her long dark hair was flowing in the wind more beautifully than the white curtains next to it. Her clear blue eyes staring off past the window as if searching for something. Meanwhile, I stood at the entrance, hoping that this scene could be frozen in time, knowing how all of this would end. But the march of time yielded to no one, and as those searching eyes turned towards me as if they had found what they were looking for, my hopes were shattered and the inevitable was set in motion.

The memories jump to our conversation with the long table between us as we placed ourselves in our designated spots.

Her words reverberated inside my closed off mind, repeating themselves over and over again.

_I was happy..._

_I was saved by you..._

_Let's end this._

_Please grant Yuigahama's wish._

All the while, her eyes, which normally took on the appearance of ice, seemed to be melting from the warmth behind her words and glistened in a way which I could only describe as captivating.

Before I knew it, I felt that familiar sensation of heat burning the back my eyelids and as I opened them, I noticed that I still couldn't see anything. My sight clouded by tears that would soon force themselves out, along with the pathetic and self-berating thoughts that followed them.

Suddenly I recalled the last time I had lost to my own emotions like this. It was in that classroom again, in front of those two when I spilled out my deepest and most egotistical desire.

But this time, no one was around to see my pitiful face as the hot tears fell slowly down the sides of my face. Soon enough, the muscles on my face began to contort themselves and unable to accept the look I made, I buried my face into my pillow.

I knew that this fairy-tale would end someday, and that if I continued to search for something so vague and idealistic, I would be left with nothing. That's why I shouldn't be like this. From the very beginning, this was how it was supposed to end.

Once again, I decided to play the one game I've never won, and found that the results have stayed the same.

But this loss was the most bitter of them all, because I truly believed in my chances at victory.

I never should have let myself open up like that or let myself become vulnerable to others.

_If I knew how painful it would be when it was taken away, I would have never allowed myself find happiness in the first place._

That comfort I felt whenever I sat in that club room while I read my books, the warmth in my chest that came even when we weren't drinking tea, or the connections I thought were never meant for me as we spoke to each other.

I hate how easily those could be taken away with a single sentence. Words I never wanted to hear, from the person I wanted to hear them say the least.

But more than that, I hate that given another chance, I would end up here again.

I removed the wet pillow from my face and noticed that the faint traces of orange light trickling in from my window had disappeared, and my room was instead enveloped in the cold darkness.

My exhausted body shook as I felt the chill of the night set in, and I covered myself in my blanket.

I haven't even changed out of my clothes or eaten dinner yet, but I had neither the will nor the strength to leave this bed.

I closed my eyes one more time, hoping to force myself to sink into the comfort of sleep, but before I fully drifted off, I noticed one word escaping my lips:

"Yukinoshita..."


	2. Chapter 1

I entered the living room only to find it quiet and lifeless. Looking around the room for Komachi or Kamakura, I instead found my breakfast wrapped in a plate with a note placed on top of it.

_Hey, Onii-chan! I gotta leave early today to prepare some stuff at school. I left you your breakfast here, I made it extra large just for today. I didn't get home to make dinner yesterday and I didn't get a text from you saying whether you ate or not, so I made a lot just in case. Kyaaaa, I'm such a good little sister! That definitely scores a lot of Komachi points! . _

_\- Komachi_

Bitter relief washed over me as I read the note, realizing that Komachi wouldn't have to see my appearance right now, looking even more hopeless than usual with my crumpled uniform and half opened eyes which failed to hide their rottenness. Call it a woman's intuition or better yet, sister's intuition, but she always seemed to know when I was struggling. Whether it was right after I came back from the Kyoto field trip or when I finally decided to apologize to her, Komachi was always there to support me.

_Meanwhile, I couldn't even properly support her while she was preparing for her exams. Who's the older sibling again, I wonder?_

But it won't stay like this forever. This was something I already knew.

If my relationship with Komachi continued to stay the same, neither of us would grow, I thought that regretfully. So I decided that I would figure everything out without relying her or using her as an excuse. Not out of stubbornness or embarrassment, but because I've been using her as a crutch, unable to make the important decisions without her.

In addition, with the passing of her entrance exams, Komachi seems just as busy as before, but for her sake, I hope this time around it's less stressful on her.

_That girl's pushing herself too much. Full throttle preparing for exams, full throttle taking them, then full throttle with celebrations...how are you still running? You're gonna need a refill of MAX coffee soon._

I felt the hard surface of the chair on body as I sunk myself into it and tried to distract myself with those thoughts, knowing well enough that Komachi wasn't the one I needed to worry about right now.

As I began eating the food which had been left for me, the memories I buried beneath my pillow last night came back to haunt me. The issue with ghosts and memories though is that you can't just walk away from them like you would with annoying people like Isshiki, Zaimokuza, or Isshiki. They stick to you like glue and bother you until you curl up and admit defeat, and that's exactly what I did.

I gave up, because sometimes, it's the best decision...or the only one.

_Please grant Yuigahama's wish._

They were words weighed down by the emotions hidden behind them, their magnitude too heavy for me to carry and their depth too clouded for me to see through. I doubt even Yukinoshita herself knew everything she conveyed, and that's why I won't say something like I understood. To think otherwise would be nothing short of idiocy and arrogance.

What I did know what that the hurdle that was her request was too high. It was impossible task from the start. To know and understand what Yuigahama's true wish was, and to grant it was something I was not capable of. Deep down I knew this, because Yuigahama's wish was probably something Yukinoshita did not want.

_How irresponsible of her to leave this to me. Why_ _would she rely on me for something so important?_

But before I even asked myself that question, I already knew the answer. It was clearly pointed out to me by this particular girl's older sister, so I couldn't turn a blind eye to it anymore.

Regardless, I had no choice but to carry this burden, for her sake and mine. Otherwise, I would be trampling on the last thing connecting myself to Yukinoshita, and I've failed her far too many times to let this one go.

As I slowly digested those thoughts along with my food, it wasn't long before my plate was empty, and I found myself wanting more even though I was no longer hungry.

* * *

Classes had ended, and I found myself glued to my seat, staring at the one corner of the room which always seemed to attract my attention. A few days have passed since the club's unofficial disbanding, and as a result, I had spoken to neither Yukinoshita nor Yuigahama since then. While I sent the good news about the prom proposal's passing to Zaimokuza and the Computer Club, I wanted to speak to Yuigahama personally so that I could complete the final task I was given. Unfortunately, I never found the opportunity to do so; in other words, I didn't know how to approach her.

The day after the disbandment, Yuigahama walked silently into the classroom with her head hung low and her eyes cast downwards. Though her mind seemed elsewhere, each step she took was placed on the floor with the utmost care, as if the ground were made of thin ice which she could not bear to leave a mark on. The stark difference in her behavior caught the attention of the entire room and caused the ones inside to stop for a second to watch her.

It lasted for just a brief moment before everyone in the class regained themselves and turned their attention back to what they were doing before, too afraid to intrude on the girl who didn't notice her own presence. Everyone besides the group in the corner, huddled by the window. Oblivious to her surroundings, Yuigahana continued walking until she slowly fell into her seat. Perhaps out of concern for her or perhaps unable to handle the tension in the air, Tobe hesitantly called out to her,

"Y-yo, Yuigahama-chan. Nice day, huh?"

But his efforts to reach out to her were in vain as Yuigahama spoke while still staring at the grains of wood on her desk, responding only to the sound of her name.

"Yahallo"

In a volume so quiet, her greeting, aimed at no one in particular, barely reached my ears, yet it echoed all throughout my body, sending a pain to my chest which cause me to grimace. This pain seemed to travel all the way to the two girls next to her who took on a similar expression as mine, and just like me, continued to stay silent. Miura who had been watching her from the start, began to open her mouth but forced it shut before any words could come out. Her eyebrows twitched in bitter anger, her gaze seemingly unsure where to rest until her sharp eyes locked onto mine, desperate to blame me for everything. The glare lasted for only a moment before she turned back to Yuigahama, seemingly more frustrated than before. Meanwhile, the face Ebina gave me as she turned her head in my direction was only a weak smile.

From that day, Yuigahama has tried to act normal by joining in on their conversations and reacting to their silly jokes, but no one could mention anything about what happened then. The scene reminded me of the club-room right after Isshiki became the student council president, colorless and stagnant. I moved my gaze away from the clique and looked down to the same floor Yuigahama had been looking at that day, wondering what it was that she saw, but in front of me were the same white tiles that have been there since the beginning.

* * *

I absentmindedly pressed the button for MAX coffee on the vending machine only for a black can of coffee to appear at the bottom. Focusing my glare at it, I attempted to will it into the familiar yellow and brown can I was used to, but the can remained the dark, like the contents inside. Maybe my eyes were far too rotten to make this bitter drink sugary sweet. I eased my glare and pulled on the tab on the can before shoving a mouthful of the black coffee down my throat, its sharp taste reminding me why I drank MAX coffee. _As I thought, coffee should be sweet._

When I finished drinking it, the school entrance was in front of me so I tossed the empty can into the nearby recycling bin. After hearing the can finish tumbling inside the bin, I made my way home satisfied that I no longer had to drink that bitter coffee. Or so I thought, but a voice which instinctively brought a scowl to my face called out to me,

"It seems pointless to ask, but what happened to you guys?"

The source of noise had bright blonde hair, blue eyes and a handsome face which all seemed like they belonged to a prince, and if he was prince, I would have already started a peasants' revolt. Hayama's question hung in the air, trapped in the silence as I stared him, waiting to see if he would probe further. He paused for a moment before making a weak expression,

"I guess you guys couldn't hold on, huh?"

"Stay out of our business."

Before I knew it, I had already spat out those words, filled with the same bitterness as the coffee I just finished, towards him and his pitying eyes which acted as if he knew exactly happened and what we were going through. But he didn't take my advice and continued to speak,

"It's not too late, Hikigaya. I'm sure if its you, you can bring everything back to how it was."

He made a desperate plea to me as if it was his own group that fell apart, or perhaps out of fear that his own group would soon follow ours. Either way, I rejected his request with all of my being, frustrated at how pathetic he sounded compared to his usual tone of confidence and calmness, because I'm sure somewhere tucked away inside me were the same words and hope.

"I don't need you to tell me how to live my life. What's gone won't come back, you of all people should know this. Things that break so easily weren't meant to stay together anyways.."

I took a breath and exhaled, "..no matter how hard you wish for it."

I truly believed in what I just said. That's why I won't be sad that the room which stole away my time after school would no longer make tea. If its existence only continued to hurt us, then it's better for it to disappear.

As always, I'm sure that Yukinoshita made the correct decision.

I watched as Hayama absorbed my words like poison, his face grimacing and his stance faltering, but his will was not broken, and he refused to give up just yet.

"In that case, are you fine with things staying like this?"

He threw the most direct and underhanded question at me, attempting to reflect all the damage he took back to me, but I was already prepared to answer that question. It was a question I've been thinking about for the past few days, after all. Just what I had to do to move everything forward.

Even if it was impossible...

Even if it wasn't what I wanted...

Even if it wasn't what Yuigahama wanted...

Even if I had to give up on what I wanted most...

Even still, I would do it.

Because she asked me to.

"It won't, because I still have one final wish to grant as the Service Club's last member"

I turned away from Hayama and began walking out the school entrance, forcing our conversation to its end.

My plan to bring everything to a close was simple. In fact, I'd done most of the preparations before I even knew I would need it. For now, all I had to do was wait a couple more days. Then maybe under the stars, I could give one lonely girl her wish.

I steeled my resolve and approached the orange sun spreading its somber glow across the campus, but the bitter taste of the coffee still lingered in my mouth.


	3. Chapter 2

"Aaahh! Look at that dress! So cute!"

"Oh my gosh, you're so riiight! What do you think, Sagami?"

The two girls who always hang around with Sagami exclaimed while they looked at one of their phones. They brought the phone closer to Sagami, awaiting her verdict on the dress, but it was obvious that she would respond favorably.

"Awww, a dress that pretty wouldn't fit on me, don't you think so?"

With a group of girls like that, there's no way any of them would disagree with each other. If they did, it wouldn't be long before they were gossiped about then cut out of the group, forever to be ostracized.

"No way! You'd rock that dress so hard, Sagami!"

"Yeah, for sure! If anything, you're the one too pretty for the dress."

I'm sure that it could happen at any moment. One of them would make a comment that the other two didn't like and then they would slowly distance themselves from her.

"Aww, you guys! Stop it!"

Before she knew it, she would be alone wondering where she went wrong. One could only wonder how close they really were if they had to tread so carefully around each other.

"OMG, you're so blushing! Cute!"

"No way!? Really?"

"It's true! We're not joking!"

Sagami cupped her hands around her face, trying to hide the redness of her cheeks while her friends grinned next her.

In any case, it was a tough world out there for a high school girl. Those kinds of relationships were the exact opposite of what I wanted. I'm glad that I don't have anything like that.

Yet, I found myself watching them longer than I expected. _Geez, this is why girls call me creepy._

I turned away to salvage my remaining reputation.

As to why Sagami's group were looking at dresses, it was obviously because of the hot talk of the school recently: the prom. That which Isshiki and Yukinoshita had worked so hard to prepare, only to be rejected as soon as their plans had started to come together. So I helped Yukinoshita, despite her desire to do it herself, committing the crime which I tried to deny.

To reject a single word from Haruno which slithered around my mind like a snake, spreading its venom across everything I've done ever since I joined that club. _Co-dependency._

And so, I succeed in saving prom, but nothing is ever gained without any loss. My eyes magnetically moved to Hayama's clique. In particular, the pink-haired girl who tried her best to give the same smile she's been so used to showing, the light in her eyes still as dim as that day. It was obvious that she heard about the Service Club's disbandment from Yukinoshita, otherwise, something like that couldn't have possibly happened. For Yuigahama to act in such a way, it would require her whole world to come crashing down. That much was certain. I suddenly remembered the words she said from what felt like so long ago.

_I'm in love with this club. _

_I fell in love._

Even though she still had friends outside of club, and even though she would never have trouble making more...why, out of the three of us, did she look the most broken of all when the club was disbanded?

I convinced myself that for someone like her who must have made countless friends, she must be the one most experienced in losing connections. Of course she would know what separation truly meant the most, and how much it hurt to lose those you once used to care about.

"Dudeeee, what am I gonna wear for prom?"

Tobe's obnoxious voice rattled my ears as he posed his mundane question, bringing me back to reality. Unfortunately, he wasn't done harassing my eardrums.

"Hayato-kun! What about you, dude? I'm sure you got everything all planned out! I bet you even have a date already..."

Several eyes turned towards Hayama as Tobe finished speaking, most notably the green-eyed girl with curly blonde hair who couldn't hide her concern over the matter brought up.

From the movie Isshiki brought into the clubroom that one day, I noticed the guys doing some contrived bullcrap to woo the girl to go to prom with them. It seemed to be the common practice in the Americas, and it appears to have caught on over here. I've been hearing numerous cases of guys doing "cute" and "romantic" things to ask the girls to go to prom. There's been a surprisingly high success rate so far, but I'm sure that's cause the novelty of the idea attracted the girls more than the boys themselves. They were more into the idea of being romanced itself rather than liking the person they were being romanced by, it didn't matter who was doing it. Well, as long as the guy wasn't some creepy loner kid, otherwise it would be an instant rejection. Thankfully, I haven't heard of any gossip like that. In any case, there was no doubt that Hayama would never do any of those things, and the idea of him having a date was just as ridiculous of an idea.

"Well, I've rented all of my clothing from the LINE link they sent us. If you want I can help you pick something out too"

Hayama confirmed my thoughts as I noticed a slight twitch in Hayama's right brow as he spoke. He clearly avoided that last statement...

"Woahhh, you're the best, bro!"

Tobe made an exaggerated gesture as he thanked Hayama before Miura spoke up to her side of the clique.

"Hmm...Hina, Yui have you guys picked your clothes yet?"

At this, Ebina's expression seemed to say something along the lines of "Ah, crap" as she looked away guiltily.

"It doesn't really matter, right? I can just pick whatever..."

But Miura had other ideas. She leaned over close to Ebina and began scolding her a child.

"Huh? No way, are you crazy!? Pull out your phone! We're looking right now!"

As she was commanding Ebina who quietly drew out her phone, she turned to Yuigahama with the same scowl that disappeared as she spoke and asked her the same thing.

"Yui, what about you? If it's you, I'm sure you've already got a few dresses in mind, but you're not sure which one to go with, right?"

Her motherly image was reversed as she smiled like a kid proud at how well she thought she knew Yuigahama's behavior. However, the nervous smile Yuigahama flashed proved otherwise. Yuigahama began rubbing her hair bun and responded in an unexpected way.

"Ahaha...I don't know if I wanna go actually..."

Miura looked like a deer in the headlights. I could almost see the gears in her mind turning to figure out why.

"Eh? What do you mean? Why no..."

She cut herself off at the end as if she was scared to finish the question. She must have realized it had something to do with why Yuigahama had acted weird before.

A thought came to mind, but it was a ridiculous question.

_Was there someone she didn't want to meet there?_

I refused to accept that as the answer. To imagine a situation in which those two didn't want to see each other, hurt me in a way I couldn't bear. A world where Yuigahama didn't have the brightest smile while getting comfy with Yukinoshita...it was unacceptable. Something like that was as unnatural as river water flowing upstream.

But that was the reality in front of me.

_There's no way to reverse time. So there's no point in wondering what I could have done differently. No matter what, from the beginning this was how it was going to end. All I can do now is prevent anymore of this._

I continued to repeat the same things I've been thinking, because that's all I could do to console myself.

In any case, I needed to have Yuigahama go to prom. Otherwise, I don't think I would be able to fulfill the task I've been assigned.

* * *

School had finished for the day, but instead of heading straight home like I've been doing as usual, I remained seated inside the classroom, listening.

"Nehhh, are you sure you don't wanna go to prom, Yui?"

Miura still seemed to want Yuigahama to join her and Ebina, asking with a concerned look in her eyes. But the usual Yuigahama who would change her mind on the fly wasn't here, and she continued to refuse.

"Sorry..."

Yuigahama's face was downcast, and her eyes aligned themselves towards the floor rather than meeting Miura's. The scene reminded me of when Yuigahama first started attending the club as an unofficial member. But this time, instead of Miura yelling at Yuigahama about apologizing, it went the exact opposite direction.

"No...don't worry about it... if you ever change your mind... let us know, okay?"

Miura spoke those words somberly, with no confidence behind them to which Yuigahama responded in a similar fashion.

"Alright..."

Again, she spoke so softly I probably wouldn't have heard her. The only reason I was able to do so this time was because I had made my way to her, my footsteps noticed only by the girls in front of Yuigahama. It was always her who came towards me, so this reversal of roles felt unusual and awkward for me, though I'm sure I won't be alone in that.

"..Yuigahama"

Her shoulders jumped along with the rest of her body, as she twitched her whole body in my direction.

"Eek! Ah...Hikki..."

But that jolt in energy quickly drained away as soon as she saw me. She returned her eyes to the floor and returned silence.

I turned to Miura and Ebina, who had stayed silent during the two's exchange.

"Mind if I borrow her for a while?"

Miura had already turned away and shooed us away with her hands, a clear display of annoyance on her face, meanwhile Ebina gave me the verbal clear.

"Mhm, go ahead"

* * *

The two of us sat at a bench outside of the school. The whole way there, Yuigahama didn't utter a single word, hanging an uncomfortable silence between us.

I thought of how to break the silence, but words wouldn't come to my mind, almost like I had forgotten how to speak. However, it was Yuigahama instead who spoke first.

"So...Hikki...what did you wanna talk about?"

She turned to me trying to insert excitement into her voice, but the shallow attempt was clearly see-through. I thought about her question.

_What did I want to talk about?_

Numerous questions filled my head, questions that I truly need answered, some which I knew she would have the answer to and some not so much, but I asked none of those. Instead, I just jumped right into it and asked something she would never expect from me.

Words that didn't seem to come from me spilled out.

"Will you go to prom with me?"

Once again, the silence was back.

Yuigahama stared blankly at me, like her brain had shut down, and with her mouth slightly agape.

As I waited for her to speak, I could feel myself blushing, with every second rushing more blood to my face. Thankfully, Yuigahama slowly came back to reality, but her response was far from my expectations. Rather than any outburst of emotions, her face only took on a mature smile while her pained eyes looked straight at me.

"So that's your answer, Hikki?"

I reflexively turned my head away from her, unable to bear the image she showed me. The vagueness of her question should have left much to guesswork, but it was exactly that vagueness that made it clear what she was asking about. I struggled to give a simple affirmative, scared to put into words what I was suggesting.

"Are you sure about this, Hikki?"

She continued to push me, the pain even clearer inside her words as she asked once again. The pressure I felt doubled, with my instincts telling me run away right this instant. But I couldn't keep her waiting, nor could I handle the thought of allowing this to drag on.

Using all of the strength I could muster, I managed to let out a response.

"Yeah..."

That was the only thing I could say.

"I see..."

Yuigahama gave a brief response which seemed to carry a hint of anger behind it. There was a small pause before I heard Yuigahama take a deep breath.

"In that case, I'll go with you! Make sure you're wearing something nice, alright? We're gonna take pictures to send to Komachi."

It was my turn to be dumbfounded. Almost as if our conversation seconds ago didn't just happen, Yuigahama acted like her usual self and showed expressions on her face which I was familiar with.

She stood up with a hop and gave me her parting words.

"I'll see you there then, okay? You better not change your mind and cancel on me at the last minute."

With that, she ran off. Her heavy steps seeming to contain more that just joy. Meanwhile, I sat on the bench thinking about how Yuigahama just acted and what her face looked like right now with her back turned to me. One question sprung up from my mind.

Even after spending so much time with her, how well did I really know Yuigahama Yui?

How much of what I thought was true about her, was actually correct, and how much of it were just my own misguided guesses. What was the ratio between those two? Could I say I was right about more things concerning Yuigahama than not? Would being right more mean that I knew Yuigahama Yui or was there more to it than that?

These questions stewed in my head before the last obvious question came about.

_What about her?_


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: I was planning on splitting this into 2 chapters cause it was getting way longer than I thought, but I also wanted to have the entire event in one chapter so that it didn't ruin the flow too much. Anyway, here's wonderwall.

* * *

_Have you ever wondered how the idea of wrapping a long, thick string of fabric around your neck, and having it as tight as possible, ever caught on and became the standard of male fashion? Well, I have, and I continue to wonder right to this very moment. Why would anyone think this was a good idea? It's such a danger hazard. What if it gets stuck on something? Your neck is at the mercy of this voluntary rope you placed on yourself. It's nonsensical, uncomfortable, and most importantly, irritating the hell out of me._

I tugged at my collar, attempting to loosen the tie around my neck. Right now, I was changing into the clothes I had rented out. Silver-grey dress shirt under a black vest and tuxedo with a matching set of black pants, completed by the citrus green necktie hanging from my neck. I rummaged through the bag delivered to me by the rental company to see if there was anything I missed.

Accompanying the necktie was a square handkerchief of the same color. Wondering what I was supposed to do with it, I quickly remembered what it was used for.

_Ah, it's to make that three peaks fold or whatever._

It was Yukinoshita who showed me how it was done before shooting the promotional video for the prom. Her skillful hands had swiftly folded the pocket square into the correct shape and perfectly placed it into my breast pocket.

I remembered the outfit she wore back then. It was quite the unique look on her. So much so that I didn't even recognize her at first. The sight of her in a tailcoat with her hair tied in a long ponytail, while unorthodox, was surprisingly fitting and gorgeous.

I stared at the green pocket square while I began to wonder what Yukinoshita would wear tonight. I highly doubt she would wear the same outfit as before. I've only seen her in a dress once, and it was when we were looking for Kawasaki at her younger brother's request.

If her appearance back then was anything to go by, then she might attract even more attention than before.

I'm sure she'll be thrilled about all that...

...but that's no longer any of my business.

I put down the handkerchief along with those wandering thoughts. I had no intention of trying to mimic how she shaped it into such a neat figure. She had folded it way too fast for me to remember any of what she did. Not to mention, my attention back then was never focused on the handkerchief.

I left the pocket square in the rental bag and made my way to the door, getting ready to leave. I opened the door before walking through it, shutting it behind me firmly with a thud.

* * *

It was six p.m. with the dusk preparing to welcome the night. I made my way to the school, garnering some attention along the way from by-passers who saw a weird kid in a full dress outfit with his hair slicked back. Personally, I didn't want to have my hair done like that, but Komachi caught me on my way out and forced my hair to do her bidding using the magic that is hair gel. While she was doing so, she had said something along the lines of,

"You never try to look good like this so Komachi will have you go all-out just this one time, okay? You never know who's going to fall for you if you actually look nice for once, right?"

_Honestly, my little sister has quite the harsh tongue._

Before I knew it, I was walking into the school building. At the entrance, there was a wooden table with the student council vice president and secretary. They seemed to be checking people in after they look at the person's rental ticket.

Thankfully, I was slightly early so there wasn't anybody in line. I showed my rental ticket to the two sitting behind a table.

"Ah, it's you. I almost didn't recognize you."

The vice-president made a shocked expression before he continued speaking to me.

"That outfit and hairstyle look good on you."

_Am I getting hit on by a guy?_

For the most part, our only interactions were during the Christmas party when Isshiki was having problems, and from my memory, we had a pretty business-like relationship. It certainly wasn't a compliment-each-other-like one. Just how much did he appreciate our help back then? I gave a dry laugh and shifted the conversation.

"Ahaha... Are you guys stuck here ushering people in all night?"

"Yeah...that seems to be case...we were the only ones who were willing to watch the entrance."

He sighed before taking the rental ticket I handed to him.

_Did Isshiki force this on you two? That devilish kouhai. I'll give her a proper talking to._

"It's not so bad though."

The secretary to his left commented before she made a small smile and looked towards the vice president.

_Oh, that's right. Isshiki and I saw them together when we were heading to the cafe that one time._

I'm still not sure if they're dating or not, but it looks like at least one side is willing to give it a shot.

"I guess so. It's nothing compared to all the preparations we had to do for the last week and a half."

Unfortunately, her shot seemed to have missed due to the vice-president's density.

That aside, it sounds like the entire Student Council worked really hard for this.

And of course, it goes without saying, her as well.

"Well, keep it up."

I left the two student council members alone and walked ahead into the hallway. But after a few steps, I couldn't help but turn around.

I looked back and watched as the two of them sat right next to each other and chatted. A scene from my imagination appeared and overlapped with the current one where instead of those two, it was the three of us sitting there, huddled closely together and waiting to check people in. Since there were no other students coming, Yukinoshita and I began to bicker while Yuigahama, in between us, would try to mediate.

_Had I not interfered with the Student Council President elections? Would that be the reality right now? If Isshiki hadn't become president, would the three of us have been able to stay together like that?_

The image flickered away as I heard someone else approaching the table. The vice-president and secretary went back to work, and so my mind, which had tried to escape reality once again, was pulled back. I turned myself around and began to walk forwards once more.

As I made my way to the gymnasium, I looked at my phone to check if Yuigahama had sent me any messages. She had decided to meet up at the school rather than somewhere beforehand. It sounds like she was planning to arrive at school together with Miura and Ebina, judging from how those three had been glued together ever since the day after I asked Yuigahama to come to prom.

Unlocking my phone, it showed me a recent message from Yuigahama saying she was on her way. I breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't changed her mind. I put my phone away and continued towards my destination.

* * *

Even before I entered the building, I had already heard quite a bit of noise coming from inside the gymnasium, where the main event was taking place.

As soon I opened one of the doors, I was pulled into a different reality. Colored lights assaulted my vision while blaring noises surrounded my ears. All my senses were being attacked, and all in all, I felt like I was hit with a flash-bang. Fortunately, it didn't last very long. After a few seconds, I regained my bearings and stumbled my way inside.

Looking around the place, I saw the spotlights which illuminated the gym, up in the ceiling. They seemed to constantly change colors while panning around the floor. In the front of the room was the stage with ornaments and other decorations scattered around, and hanging near the top of the stage were large letter squares that spelled out PROM. Towards the back were sets of tables with various foods and drinks, all of which looked very good. Meanwhile, massive black speaker boxes were spread out throughout the room, blasting the music which had stunned me.

Since it was still relatively early, there were only small clumps of people dotted around the room. I scanned the place for good corner to hide myself before I meet up with Yuigahama and found the perfect spot.

_Next to the punch table. Nice. No one will stay there after they grab their drinks so it's the best spot. This leaves every other place free as well. Not to mention, I get to keep the drinks nearby._

I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being such a genius while I sipped on the fruit punch I had poured myself.

Unfortunately, my hide-in-a-corner plan was loudly knocked off its pedestal as quickly as I had placed it there.

"WOAHHHHHH! No wayyyyyyy! It's Hikitani-kunnnnnnnnnn!"

_Uwahhhhhhhhhh! It's Tobeeeeeee..._

_I was a fool. If I stay next to the punch table, everyone's gonna see me. Normally, it wouldn't be a problem since I'll just get ignored by most people, but I forgot to take into account people like Tobe, who don't have any clue about social restraint._

"What'cha doing here, dude? You got a date or something?"

He said that while brazenly pointing two finger guns at me and throwing a few winks my way.

_What is up with you and dating? Are you that sad that you couldn't get Ebina to go out with you? Look, I'm sure there's other girls out there that would like you for who you are. _

"Don't be ridic-"

I stopped myself before I finished my statement. I couldn't say that he was completely wrong. After all, I did ask Yuigahama to come to prom with me, and my intentions back then were something along these lines.

But the implications behind this were much more complex than a simple date.

Honestly when one thinks of dating, it's the start of something new. The seeds of a new relationship that, with enough love and care, would hopefully blossom into a beautiful flower.

But the seed being planted today was not being grown on normal ground. It was being placed in the same soil as a withered flower, killed not by lack of care, but by too much of it. Just like how humans can die from water poisoning caused by drinking too much water, so too can plants. And that's exactly what I did. Desperate to see the beauty of a budding flower after it blooms, I drowned it in my ignorance and over-eagerness.

And so, tonight was less of a celebration of starting something new, but a funeral, for the death of a flower that never bloomed.

That's why this time, it wasn't a date.

"You okay, dude? You just stopped talking."

Tobe's curious voice reminded me that I was getting pulled into my own mind again, so I spoke to keep myself focused on reality, and to distract the voice in my head.

"Yeah, never mind that. Where's Hayama and the rest of you guys?"

I shifted the subject before he remembers what he asked me.

"Hayato-kun? He's talking with Iroha-chan right now. I was on my way to grab us drinks, but then I saw you."

Isshiki, huh? The last time I've seen Isshiki was when I found her in the Student Council room and asked her where Yukinoshita was. Since then, I haven't made any contact with her, not wanting to bother her when she was already so busy, and scared of running into the girl who I was no longer allowed to meet, decided by no one other than myself.

"Well, don't let me get in your way. They must be waiting for you by now."

I subtly hinted to Tobe for him to get his drinks and go away which he must have understood since he did just that.

"You're right! I'm gonna get them drinks real quick and speed on back to them"

He poured three drinks in a rush and somehow carried them in his two hands. From there, he aimed himself in some direction where Hayama and Isshiki must have been. Before running off though, he looked at me,

"See ya then, Hikitani-kun! Good luck on your date!"

He threw another wink at me and shot off towards his targets.

Normally, I would have dismissed a comment like that. Luck isn't something to rely on, and it's not something I would ever hope to need. I've never been one to believe in superstitions or fantasies. If anything, being grounded to reality is one of my strong points. Sure, I love my anime and games as much as the next person, but it's because of that passion, that immersion into those things, that I can safely say I understand the difference between the two.

Reality is cruel. It won't sugarcoat things for you, and if it does then, you shouldn't bite into it anyway, because more than likely, what lies underneath that shell of sweetness is bitter and rotten. There are no reset buttons, second lives, or pause buttons. If you're looking to escape then your only option is quitting, but that's a one way trip, and not one I recommend.

If you're playing gal games, you can be sure that any girl on the cover can be your "waifu", but that's not how it works in real life. Sink as much time and effort as you want, a girl's affection points might never rise for you. When someone says they don't like you in real life, they mean it. Real life doesn't have tsunderes or people that hide their feelings for you by trying to hurt or bully you. They grow out of that by junior high. This was a fact I knew on an intimate level. That's why I can say that if I ever wanted something, I would never rely on luck or wishes.

All I would rely on is myself.

On my own ability, my own strength, my own wits...

...all on my own.

That's how I do things.

But tonight, of all nights, I'd like to make a wish.

That I can do what it is that I have to.

That I can say the words that I've prepared, because I don't think my will, all on its own, is strong enough to say them. Because my conscience knows that what I'm trying to do is wrong, and that what I'm planning to start goes against everything I've been striving for.

But old habits die hard, and people can't change that easily.

And so, I made a wish.

* * *

"Sorry for making you wait, Hikki!"

A familiar voice that signaled their arrival was accompanied by a set of growing clicking noises created by the impact of shoes hitting the gymnasium floor.

I redirected myself towards the source of the noise and saw in-front of me, a girl who put all her effort to surpassing every model in the world.

She wore a stunning light blue spaghetti strap dress which flowed down her legs, with some sort of lacing design around her bosom. The chest area being emphasized by the design of the dress, remaining simple yet elegant. As she was running towards me, she held on to the sides of her dress with her hands which allowed me to see the white high heels she wore on her feet, as well as the silver bracelet around her left wrist. On her right side, I saw a small white handbag bobbing along with her, looped around her right arm.

As I moved my gaze up to her head, I saw the sight of rosy cheeks on her face which seemed to be wearing just the right amount of make-up for me to notice, but not to the point where I ruined her image. In fact, if I could make the judgment, I would say that right now was the prettiest I've ever seen her.

She flashed a casual apologetic smile as she neared me and spoke once more,

"Ehehe...I hope I didn't make you wait too long."

I turned my eyes towards the ceiling to the left, pressured by the brightness of her smile, and noticed my cheeks turn their own rosy color.

"Ah, well, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Wow...no complaints...I'm proud of you, Hikki! Normally though, guys say that 'they just got here' so the girl doesn't feel guilty."

"I already know that, I just don't wanna take part in that tradition. Anyways, that looks really good on you. What do you wanna do now?"

"Ah! I noticed that! You just tried to hide that compliment then, didn't you?"

_You're quite perceptive tonight, Miss Yuigahama._

"I just said what I honestly thought. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Heh...Is that so?"

She made a childish smile as she processed my response, but her smile did not remain so bright. In fact, it turned into a smile which hid more that it showed.

"In that case, thank you."

Once again, the girl I thought I knew, showed me an expression that I wasn't used, nor did I want to get used to. It lasted but for a brief moment, but that was all I needed to internalize that image in my mind. Then as quickly as it had appeared, Yuigahama's expression returned back to normal in the blink of an eye.

"Alright! Let's see what events are happening tonight. Come on, Hikki!"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the notice board nearby, where it listed all the events that would take place.

Aside from the obvious greetings and ceremonies for the third-years' graduation, within the list were the dance contest, music performances and the all-important public executions- I mean, confessions.

Same difference really.

_Did they really decide to keep that there? Who's crazy enough to confess in public? It's hard enough in private. I can't imagine many people who would do that. Maybe Tobe? No, not even Tobe would. He was scared out of his mind just privately confessing to Ebina._

"Hmmm...what do you think, Hikki?"

"I don't know, I'm pretty sure no one's crazy enough to do it. I mean not even Tobe wanted to do it in public."

"Huh? What are you talking about? If you mean the dance contest, he was dancing pretty well when we were shooting the video. Were you not listening?"

She puffed her cheeks and scrunched her eyebrows together .

_Wait, were we not talking about the public confessions?_

"A-ah. I thought you were talking about something else. Hold on, what are you asking then?"

"I'm asking about that."

She pointed towards the noticeboard, more specifically to a section for a set of events: Partner games.

"Did you want to enter together?"

I asked just to make sure I understood what she wanted.

It wasn't that I had a problem with being her partner for the games or anything. We were around basically all of the students in the school who knew each other, and more importantly, Yuigahama. There might a select people who also knew me, but that was less than relevant. If they see the two of us playing games together like this, they would obviously take this the wrong way.

This is what my first instinct told me, and I had wholeheartedly agreed with it. It was the next thought that I couldn't stomach.

_Isn't that all right? After all..._

"Yeah, I kinda want to try it...Is that a no?"

Yuigahama gave me a set of puppy eyes that have proved to be extremely effective against just about anyone.

"No, I don't mind. It doesn't look like it's gonna start right away though. What do you wanna do in the meantime?"

"Why don't we try all the food over there?"

Her fingers excitedly pointed towards one of the tables where we just came from. I'd tried a few of the dishes there, and so far everything had tasted pretty good.

_Compliments to the chef._

_But all of it? What a glutton. If you eat that much, there's no way you're not gaining weight. _

I held my tongue.

"Sure. Careful though, there's a lot calorie bombs sitting over there."

Or so I thought.

"Hmm? What was that?"

Just as I turned around and replied, I heard a curiously chilly voice coming from Yuigahama's mouth.

_Hey, that's scary. It doesn't help that you're wearing blue tonight. You cosplaying as someone right now?_

"Well, it's fine. I'm not worried about gaining any weight at all. I exercise every morning by running with Sable anyways. C'mon, Hikki. Let's go!"

I watched her rush towards the table she pointed at and followed behind.

* * *

While we were passing the time, Yuigahama and I ran into Miura and Ebina who let Yuigahama go on ahead to meet up with me. Well, more like the two girls calling out to her while she was busy stuffing her face with food like a squirrel preparing for winter.

It took me by surprise since it was just the two of them together. I expected to see a few more people when I heard them, but it seems like Miura hadn't built up the courage to face Hayama yet.

That was understandable. Miura and Ebina had both prettied themselves up just as much as Yuigahama did. Miura had stood out a bit more though. Whether that was through effort or just her natural charm, I wasn't sure. All I know was that even Hayama might lower his guard for a second when he saw her. I doubt many would notice the shift in demeanor though.

From their behavior, they didn't seem like they were going to stay long, merely procrastinating before they approached the guys.

"Alright, are you ready yet, Yumiko?"

"I don't know. I'm so nervous...I think you're gonna have to drag me, Hina. I'm gonna chicken out at this rate."

Miura clenched her fists as she crossed her forearms in front of her chest while the pupils inside her eyes shivered as she looked at Ebina. The action brought me to wonder if she ever looked this weak and vulnerable in front of Hayama.

As they walked away, I silently gave them my farewells.

_Go on now, brave soldiers. Come back alive, okay? _

_Was that a death flag I just planted?_

With our stomach filled, it wasn't long before the partner games started. It seemed to be a smaller event, which I was thankful for, since its time slot was overlapping with the group dancing lesson for the third-years.

From what I understood, they were gonna have a specially allotted time on the dance floor just for the graduating students as a final farewell of sorts. Not everyone knew how to dance though, so they were holding this group dancing lesson for those who were not, 'masters of the step', to be able to take part, and to not humiliate themselves too badly. They planned it before the dance contest too, but I don't think anyone who just learned to dance for 30 minutes would be able to compete with members of the dance club.

In any case, I was currently sitting in a chair facing away from Yuigahama who had the back of her chair to mine, stuck in a similar situation. In front of me was a pen and paper set in middle of a desk, the paper rotated on landscape.

The first game of the set was a test to see how well you could communicate with your partner. The rules of the game were simple enough, one person had a picture they were given while the other was required to draw it. The catch, however, was that the drawer didn't get to speak or see the picture. They would have to draw the picture based on how the image holder described it, and the points would be based on how accurate the drawing was compared to the actual picture.

Needless to say, it went exactly as I expected.

I stared at the drawing I made.

"How was I supposed to understand what you meant when you said that moving thing with 2 wheels? Of course, I would draw a bike."

She shoved the picture in my face and retorted.

"It's not my fault! I mean, I didn't know what it was called. How would you describe it?"

"I would call it a segway, cause that's what it is."

"See, if you said that to me, I wouldn't know what to draw."

_Ah, she makes a good point. You can describe anything as detailed as possible, but if the receiver didn't understand, you were just wasting your words. Just like no matter how hard you tried to describe the color red to a blind person, they would probably never imagine the same thing as you._

After that, we switched places, but there was a shocking lack in improvement. I was confident that I was giving clearer instructions to her too, but I guess that means that she couldn't understand me as well as I thought.

_No way were my instructions confusing or anything like that. That would mean I ridiculed her for nothing._

There were a few more games like that, the last one being one of those games you see on TV. It was the one where you see how well you could sync thoughts with each other. They would say a word or show a picture and ask you to write what you thought of first.

I don't think it's difficult to imagine what happened there either.

"I can't believe you wrote beer when they said university!"

"Hey! At that point, I gave up already. I was trying to write what you would say for the other ones, but who writes birthday present when they hear the word collar? Any sane person would have wrote a pet animal like dog or cat. You have Sable so I was sure you were gonna write dog. Besides, there was no way I was gonna guess freedom for university."

"The one for collar was completely your fault! Don't you remember what you gave me for my birthday present last year?"

_Ah, that's right. I did give her one for her birthday last year._

"Haa...I still can't believe we came in last though."

I threw out my last complaint. Analyzing the other pairs, the ones who scored higher were pairs of the same gender, the winning pair being a pair of guys I've never seen before. I guess it shouldn't come at that much of a surprise though. After all, this event just proves that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

"Ahaha..."

Yuigahama gave a weak laugh, unable to refute the fact that we scored the least amount of points.

"It was fun though, right?"

She smiled at me in her usual happy-go-lucky smile that warmed my chest just that little bit.

"Well...I guess so."

"Then it's fine, isn't it?"

Regrettably, I couldn't disagree with that question.

_I honestly didn't expect myself to get so into it. If they have the same event next year, I wouldn't mind playing again. _

_That is, if I'll still have a partner then._

* * *

After that, we returned to the food tables again to refuel ourselves.

"Ah! Hikki, these cheese crackers are so good! Here!"

The excitement from the games and taste of the crackers must have given her a high as she jutted her hand, holding a cracker, towards my face. She quickly dropped back down though, as soon as her eyes processed what her hands did. She retracted her arm back, but insisted on giving the food to me.

"..here, give it a try..."

She gingerly brought the cheese-topped cracker closer to me which I accepted with my opened palm before popping the whole thing into my mouth in one go.

I muttered that it wasn't bad as I munched on it, to which she took great pride in.

"Hehe...I might need work on cooking, but when it comes to tasting, I'm pretty good myself."

_That's supposed to be my job though..._

Anyway, it wasn't long before the dance contest would begin, and while I had no intention of participating in that, I also thought it would be a waste to go unique event like this, all dressed up, without at least dancing once.

"Ah wait, Hikki. You got some cheese on your face."

She pulled a small handkerchief out her handbag and wiped the side of my mouth.

As I was listening to the music, waiting for a slow piece to come on, I didn't realize what she did until after she had put the handkerchief back into her bag. I twitched my head in her direction, shocked. I felt my face flush, but I chose not to say anything as she didn't seem in any way bothered, given from how she tilted her head at me.

_How is this any different from trying to feed me?_

I almost lost track of what I was doing, but thankfully the next song was a fan-favorite. It was a song about a first love that never worked out and how the singer moves on. A very melancholic song, and a perfect fit for a slow dance.

Noticing many students moving to the open floor near the front, I extended my hand towards Yuigahama who looked at it like a brand new kind of food,

"Do you want to dance?"

I asked a simple question, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but the notion was just too bizarre for Yuigahama to ignore.

"Eh? I thought for sure that you wouldn't want to..."

On a normal day, she wouldn't be wrong, but today was not one of those days. Even I've noticed that I'm acting a little weird.

"Sometimes, you just get in the mood to do something different. Besides, it would be a waste to dress up like this and not dance. It would be like going to Chiba and not buying their peanuts."

"There you go with the Chiba references again."

She sighed from my superior Chiba intellect then took my hand as we made our way to an open area.

As we had done during the promo video, we positioned our hands and feet in the same places as back then. Nothing fancy or extravagant, we simply swayed back and forth to the music.

It would have been relaxing and almost soothing had we not stepped all over each other's toes.

"Ah! Sorry, is your foot okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I'm wearing shoes so I didn't even feel it."

_I lied. It hurt like hell. What those heels made of? Knives?_

We kept bumping into other people too since we were too preoccupied on not stepping on each other.

But as awkward as it seemed to me, the song was over before I knew it and we were back at our usual spot near the food.

All in all, I would say the experience was one massive mistake on my part.

Nonetheless, it was one of many memories I would remember tonight.

* * *

Exhausted after all those activities, and stifled by all the people around us, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and get some fresh air. Outside of the gymnasium, silence seemed to rule the world. As I walked back from the restroom, I noticed how loud my footsteps sounded as they disturbed the quietness around me, and how the blue-white light of the fluorescent bulbs in the ceiling seemed to emphasize how I isolated I was to everyone else in the gymnasium ahead of me.

I decided to make a small detour and walked outside near the outskirts of the gym building.

There, I saw a woman who wore the night on her shoulders, yet stood out more than anything else in the darkness. She had long black hair which fluttered weakly in the cool breeze passing by. Her gaze, directed at the moon which seemed to stare back into her crystal blue eyes. The dress she wore was dark blue with purple accents, whose beauty only served to highlight the pale skin of the girl whose image seemed so detached from reality.

Had I not recognized her, I would have reached out to touch her, to see if she was real and not just a figment of my imagination, but there was no way I wouldn't know the girl locked in my vision.

It was Yukinoshita Yukino.

And so, I didn't do anything.

There was no longer any reason to call out to her. We were released from the shackles the bound us together, and our lives would move on their separate ways, as they were destined to from the very start.

I tore my eyes away the dream-like scene in front me and moved to escape the vision of the girl who looked only at moon.

Finding myself on the other side of the gym building's exterior, I leaned on the side of the building and instead looked up at the stars.

I didn't want to go back inside, because what awaited inside was what I've been dreading ever since I made my decision.

I thought that maybe I didn't have to do it today, there was never a need for me to do it now. The presence of a deadline was non-existent, so I could put this off until I was good and ready. As the saying goes, better to wait for the right opportunity, than to rush to failure.

I said that to myself, knowing I would never be ready.

Instead, I was ready to give up.

Ready to continue the encore to the play that already ended.

But I couldn't.

"Hikki! That's where you were!"

Yuigahama had found me, and no matter how much I wanted it to continue, the actors were already beginning to remove their costumes.

"Yo. Sorry, I just had to get some fresh air."

I greeted her as she stopped herself next to me and leaned on the same wall as I did. Her hands were clutching the white handbag she had carried around with her today while her gaze was staring straight up into the same stars I had in my own field of view.

"Nn. Don't worry about it. I know how you are when it comes to lots of people."

She said it so matter-of-factly that I couldn't refuse even if I wanted to.

Her heavy sigh filled the rift of silence.

"It was such a fun time tonight. They really did a good job all by themselves, huh? Iroha-chan...and Yukinon."

"...Yeah, they really did. It's not over yet though. There's still a few more events left."

I reminded her that it wasn't the end yet. There was still time, but she refused.

"No, it's okay. It's enough for me now."

I turned to look at her and found that she was staring right back at me, her amber eyes reflecting myself into them.

"I'm satisfied now..."

She continued to speak, forcing herself to say things that I knew she didn't mean.

_Stop._

"...I've more than taken up the time I deserved..."

_Stop. Yuigahama. Please._

"...So I think it's time for-"

"Wait, before that-"

I tried to stall. I wanted more time. Time to prepare myself. Ready the words I've prepared to say myself.

But I knew it was already too late.

"Sorry, Hikki. I'm done waiting...

...We both know no matter how long I wait, the answer will never change."

She barely managed to finish that last sentence without cracking. Her eyes seemed to be on the verge of tears, but she held them back, desperate to finish what she wanted to say.

But I was just as desperate.

"No, Yuigahama. This is what I want to say...

Please go out with me."

Whatever drive she had to continue to speak was halted just then. I took the opportunity to try and shoot out the words I've loaded, but they were caught on my throat.

"Yuigahama, I-I lo-. I lov-"

As if every cell in my body refused to say it, I couldn't finish the sentence which I'd started to release, but Yuigahama understood. She understood everything completely.

She put a smile on her face, the kind I hated the most. It was the kind reserved only to those who were trying to hide more pain than they could handle. It radiated so much sadness that all I wanted to do was turn away.

But I won't. I can't. The face she was making now was all my fault, so no matter what, I had to see it through.

The tears she so desperately clung onto fell down as she opened her heart to me.

"Did you know, Hikki? When I saw you jump in front of the car to save Sable, I thought you were the bravest guy in the world. There was no one cooler than you, in my eyes, you were my hero. I wanted to show my appreciation so I went to your house and gave cookies to Komachi so she could give them to you. And even though I never got any sort of response from you, I thought that was because I never left any way for you to contact me.

Then I saw you in school, and I was super confused. I wondered if you were actually the same guy, but I still wanted believe it was you. I kept thinking about the cookies I sent the year before, and I thought I could send you a batch every year, so I would never forget what you did for me. I didn't know how to bake though, so I went to Hiratsuka-sensei...then she brought me to the club.

I never expected to see you there, not even a little bit, but you weren't the only one there. Yukinon was there too, and she was everything I wanted to be. Naturally pretty, cool, smart...who wouldn't want to be like her? She sounded so cool, so awesome, so...right. My whole world opened up, I saw in front of me, someone that I could talk to without worrying about what they were hiding from me. But more than that, right next to her was you, Hikki.

And as I kept showing up to the club and watched you guys, I realized that you really were the same Hikki I admired from that day. Maybe not as brave or cool, but just as heroic. Maybe a little too heroic though. If I think about it, from that point on, it was hopeless for me to run away."

She gasped in a deep breath and paused for a second before continuing,

"Hey, did you know? When you were walking me home from the summer festival, I was going to confess to you?"

_Yeah._

"When I gave you those cookies on Valentine's Day, that they weren't meant to be as thanks, but affection?"

_Of course, I did. _

"You did, right? After all, you're my hero. Not a knight in shining armor or anything like that. Just an normal guy with a heart bigger than anyone else's, but someone that doesn't know how to show all that love. A socially awkward guy, who has the most charming eyes, even if they're rotten."

_I didn't deserve to hear all this._

The words she said pierced me like needles. I was tired of all the questions she threw at me. Questions whose answers were already laid out before they were asked.

Questions that wanted not my words, but my heart.

My breath was becoming ragged, and the beating of my heart wouldn't stay put. I hoped for her to end this here, even if there was no more going back. I didn't want her to finish herself, because I knew the words she would say next, were ones that I would never be allowed to forget.

"Hikki, did you know..."

"...I love you."

The world around me disappeared, and all I heard were the final words she told me. For a moment, my eyes saw only her. The tears on her reddened cheeks, the lips which had uttered words I never wanted to be directed at me, and the eyes which shined like stars as they stared at me.

_Yuigahama Yui was beautiful._

Those were my honest thoughts.

However, she wasn't done yet.

"...But in the end, you're just my hero. It won't ever go past that...I know...

...No matter how much you try, you can't say the same thing to me, right?"

My eyes fell, my shoulders dropped and my hands tightened.

_She was right. I was willing and ready to spit out every falsehood known to man to her. _

_Except those words. _

_Of all the sweet lies I could feed her, this was the only one I could never give to her, because I cared for her. _

_But it wasn't in the same way she felt for me._

"There's someone else you feel that way for, isn't there? Someone we both care about."

Her voice gave form to the thoughts which I've shoved to the back of mind. I thought about opening my mouth, ready to fire off lies and misdirections, but I stopped as Yuigahama reached into the handbag which she had been gripping onto as if it were the only thing keeping her from running away.

As she pulled her hand out, I stared into her fingers holding an object that belonged to me, yet never considered to be mine:

It was a ceramic green tea cup with a Pan-san design on it. It was my teacup from the clubroom.

"You know, when Yukinon told me she was disbanding the club, she wanted me to give this to you."

She held the cup out to me, waiting for me to take it, but my shaking hands were too afraid to reach for it, so she grabbed my right hand and placed the cup into it.

"She told me that the competition was over, and that she had won. That there was no need to worry, because she was making things right."

Her loose recitation of Yukinoshita's words carried the same sorrow she must have felt when she heard them.

"But would someone that thinks they're doing the right thing, have a face look that pained? What do you think, Hikki? Would they?"

The convincing argument she brought up was immediately invalidated as I looked at her own face, taking on a pain identical the one she described.

My vocal cords which had been frozen, moved once again.

"No matter what I choose, someone will end up hurt either way."

I stammered out a simple fact that no one could refute, but Yuigahama was already prepared. I realized that she must have been for a while now, because she had seen through everything.

"Yeah, you're right, but whoever ends up hurt, I want you to be happy, Hikki...that only leaves you with one choice then, right?"

The gentle words she spoke were supported by a resolute will behind them. One that she built up long before today. However, I tested it anyway, throwing a tantrum like a small child.

"I won't accept it! I'm not going to hurt you just so I can be happy!"

My body tensed up and I felt the teacup in my hand resist the force I squeezed into it, its shape being imprinted onto my hand.

"If anyone has to be hurt, then it should be me! It's always been me. I'm the one who's most used to it."

I flailed my logic around like a double-edged sword, cutting myself in the process to keep others away, but if anyone could catch its blade so easily, it would be Yuigahama.

"No, since it's always been you, doesn't that mean you should take a break now? It's my turn this time."

She gave me those kind words, unwilling to back down from the position she held onto so firmly.

We stood at a standstill, unable to allow the other to take the fall.

Until Yuigahama gave the final push.

"There's still your request too, isn't there?"

I was reminded of a single fact that I had must have overlooked or forgotten. The request that I made in the club-room. The one which included more than just helping me solve the Christmas Party dilemma.

"As much as I want to be the one to help you...what you're looking for, isn't actually something I can see. I don't think I'll ever understand, but someone else will. That much, I do know. That's why I think this is good-bye."

She looked down as she took a small step backwards. It was such a tiny step, barely even a few centimeters. A gap so small that all it would take to reach her would be a short hop, but I felt even if I did that, the distance between us would never shorten.

"Bye-bye, Hikki."

The last thing I saw on her face was a smile soaked in tears.

* * *

My knees gave out, and I collapsed onto the ground, scraping my back against the gymnasium wall.

I looked back at the stars, and saw a small light flash by.

I knew more than likely that it was just a plane in flight, on their way to their destination, going about their regular day. Carrying their passengers going about their daily lives, constantly moving, too busy to think about the reason why they're doing what they're doing. Too busy to see the lights in the sky and wonder whether what they saw were a plane's lights or whether they saw a shooting star.

A type of star so famous for making a wishes on. A trend that continues today. A shooting star was special, unique. Unlike the other stars in the sky, this one's beauty lay not in its shine, but its ephemeral nature. If you weren't paying attention then you would miss it. More than their rarity, that simple fact is why nobody can see one. No one else had time for this, because they all lived in the present and instead looked towards the future. They didn't bother with things like this, instead what they looked at were notes, business opportunities, and newspapers. Things that mattered in life.

Besides, in the end, a star was just a star.

That's why, even though I knew more than likely, that it was just a plane in flight...

If it wasn't plane...

If it was instead, a shooting star...

Then it wouldn't matter.

Because tonight, nobody's wishes came true.


	5. Chapter 4

_White tile._

_Concrete._

_Wooden floor._

_Bed._

_Black._

_White._

_Wooden floor._

_Table._

_Floor._

_Concrete._

_White tile._

_Desk._

_Black._

_..._

_White tile. Concrete. Wooden floor. Bed. Black. White. Wooden floor. Concrete. White tile. Desk. Black. White. Tile. Floor. Bed. Black. White. Floor. Desk. Black. White. Black, white, black, white, black, white,blackwhiteblackwhite..._

"Senpai, what are you doing?"

A familiar voice rang through my ears as I felt my body's momentum forced back. I looked back towards my arm which had been pulled back by two sleeve-covered hands.

"You look more like a zombie than usual. The rest of your body is starting to catch up to your eyes, you know?"

The owner of the hands continued on while I stared at my clutched wrist.

_What are YOU doing? I just wanna go home. Let go of me. _

"Nehh, senpai? Are you okay? Ah wait, that was kinda unfair. Let me rephrase that. You're acting kinda weird...no no...hmm, you're acting weirder than usual, yeah."

A couple of insults whizzed by me coming from the merciless girl throwing them around like water balloons. I felt my hands tighten into fists, a surge of anger flashed. To lash out so that she would let go of me, so that I could leave and go back to bed.

But I had neither the energy or the heart to do so, and her grip remained firmly around my wrist.

A short yet noiseless minute passed, filled by a silent tug of war over my arm.

My increasingly stronger pulls to regain my arm were repelled each time in a test of will until the stiffness of the offender's grip told me that they weren't giving up. So like the mature adult I am, I ended the war as I yielded my position with a sigh.

I looked up like I guessed I was supposed to. The playful tone of the fox who had me in her grasp stopped at her voice, her round eyes piercing through me as soon my eyes met them, like a predator finally catching its prey.

The gilded girl with bright brown flaxen hair and matching golden brown eyes finally came into my vision. She wore the usual pink cardigan under her school uniform which was too big on her, so her hands were always hidden under the sleeves, and there was no question who it was.

It was undeniably, Isshiki Iroha, and now that I've made eye contact with her, there was no more escape. Not that I really ever had a chance. Her stubbornness was comparable to the common Saturday morning cartoon villains trying to take a normal boy's pet mouse.

She was shorter than me, so even slightly bent over from my arm being pulled, I was looking down on her, but right now, I felt as if it was actually the other way around.

Isshiki started talking again,

"It's been a week since prom and all I've heard from people around me have been nothing but good things, telling me how fun it was and everything. They've been praising me a lot, hehe."

She flashed a sly grin at that last part.

"I'm really building up my reputation now. At this rate, I'm sure to be remembered as a great stuco prez, hehe. Maybe, even future generations will look up to me~. Something like prom queen is gonna be a piece of cake."

Somehow, she got absorbed into her own delusions and started laughing to herself. Just as I was about to pull myself out of her grasp and leave, she continued,

"There's just one problem...", the grin disappeared and she squeezed down on my arm again,

"None of the people who worked so hard to make this prom amazing, are smiling at all."

My body stiffened. I noticed the reflection of myself inside her eyes, my own eyes widening as I saw that she was right about my appearance. My hair was an even bigger mess than usual, black bags under my eyes despite all the sleep I've been getting, but what grabbed me weren't those things: It was my reflection becoming distorted inside her eyes like a pond's surface during an earthquake.

Isshiki's eyes watered.

She repeated her first question, this time with desperation in her voice,

"Senpai, what are you doing?"

That show of weakness ended with that sentence, as the forming tears in her eyes subsided. They hid back inside of her only to be replaced with furrowed brows as she let go of me and spilled out her frustrations,

"What's even going on? How did this even happen? Honestly...you guys can be such a pain..."

_I wish I could ask the same things, but there's no point, since I already knew the answers._

It was obvious what Isshiki was talking about. From the club disbanding to the present, there was no way she wouldn't see how the precious balance the three of us tried to keep, fell apart at the core.

At some point, the bonds we built with each other became the very things that kept us from getting closer. They were like handcuffs we placed on ourselves so that we wouldn't hurt each other, but people can only be chained down for so long. Sometime or another, one of us was going to remove our shackles, and from then on, there was no going back.

That's why it stopped being a question of _if, _and instead,became a question of _when_.

"I'm sorry."

I let out those words, unsure if I meant them for her, or if they supposed to be spoken somewhere else, at another time.

Regardless, I said them, because they seemed like the only words I could say.

"Haa...Obviously...why do think I wanted to do the prom in the first place?"

As Isshiki took in my wandering apology, she revealed something that caught my attention.

_Didn't Isshiki want to make prom happen so she could be prom queen?_

It seemed like she realized her slip-up as well since her eyes opened up and she covered her mouth with end of her right sleeve.

Her cheeks blushed slightly, then she proceed to cover up her embarrassment,

"Did you honestly think I just wanted to make a prom tradition so that I could be the prom queen? C'mon, it was obvious that I had bigger plans than that! Or are you saying that you really see me as that selfish and arrogant?!"

My blank face didn't seem to satisfy her.

"No way. Senpai, is this how you really see your cute kouhai? You're just kidding, right?"

To be honest, I didn't think that hard about why she was so insistent on the prom. I was much more focused on Yukinoshita taking the request on alone. Now that she said it, it should have been expected that Isshiki had more of a reason for basically forcing the prom proposal to pass than to just be the prom queen. Her willfulness to make it happen it, going to far as to go up against Yukinoshita's terrifying mother, a flimsy reason like that doesn't add up at all.

I apologized again, this time definitely to Isshiki,

"S-sorry"

"Bzzzt! Wrong! That's not what I wanted to hear from you, Senpai..."

She pouted in a way I almost thought adorable. Unfortunately, Komachi has given me a base resistance to this type of expression.

"What a bully...what kind of senpai are you? Aren't you supposed to be a role model for me?"

Partway through that, her pout turned into her usual foxy grin, so I gave her a retort from the usual me,

"You were wrong from the beginning if you saw me as anything like a role model. You should know already that there's better people out there to use as a role model."

I only had a couple people in mind, but I left the rest of the sentence in the air.

"Ehhhh, like who? The senpai around me are all kind of a pain."

_Hey, if anyone heard you say that..._

"Oh, what about Hayama-senpai?"

I clicked my tongue and started to walk away.

_Really, what kind of senpai, am I? What kind of senpai, are we? Having a kouhai looking out for us, and still managing to fall apart._

_Maybe we didn't grow up as much as we thought..._

"Ah! Wait, senpai! Don't tell you got jealous? I'm sorry, that's kind of cute, but I don't think that I can go out with you just because of that. It was a good attempt though so I can give you points for trying!"

She yelled back behind me as she smoothly slipped in a rejection.

I continued walking, and just as she casually rejected me, I quietly slipped out some words I rarely said,

"Thanks, Isshiki."

"What was that?"

I stopped at the vending machine next to me and turned around, "Nothing, which drink do you want?"

"Now now, Senpai. Didn't I just reject you? Don't get ahead of yourself, please..."

* * *

The bed sunk down as I let it take in my weight. I stared at the ceiling before grabbing my phone and checking the date. The light shined in my face and I confirmed that it really has been a week since prom. The past few days seemed to just blur together until I lost track of the start and end of each day.

I pressed the button to turn off the screen and was just about to set it down, when the screen lit up again.

[Hey, Hikigaya. Wanna go to a ramen place?]

Hiratsuka-sensei's text sat in the center, waiting for me.

* * *

The ramen place she picked wasn't too far from my house, so it didn't take long arriving by train. After about 30 minutes, I saw her waiting near the shop dressed in her usual teaching clothes, minus the white lab coat. In other words, a suit and tie with dress pants. She put out the almost finished cigarette and pulled out the box, only to find it empty. As I came closer, I almost heard the small sigh she let out.

_She looks just like a salary man whose few joys in life is being able to go into his favorite ramen place and savor his favorite ramen in bliss, only to come back to work the next day with none of that joy in his eyes._

While that possible dark future surfaced from my mind, Hiratsuka-sensei noticed me and waved me over.

"Yo, sorry for the short notice. I hope you weren't too busy before I texted you."

"Don't worry about it. You contacted me at a good time. I was thinking about meeting up with you sooner or later, so your timing was perfect."

There were many things I needed to talk to her about and not all of it were things I was particularly excited to delve into. Between the two of us, I think we both understood this, so all that she replied with was, "I see."

We walked into the place and sat on the counter as we made our orders to the shop owner. While I waited for our ramen to arrive I naturally inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma of the room and noticing how hungry it was making me. I looked around the restaurant, looking for something to catch my attention, as I took a sip of the water they gave us to stave away my hunger.

"So, how's everything with them?"

She dropped the heavy question as she broke the silence, not looking at me, but rather, tracing the rim of her cup with the tip of finger. Had it been before that evening by the sea, I wouldn't have understood who or what she was talking about, but I've learned from my mistakes. There was only one thing she could be referring to, so I took my time to give my response. Not because I was scared or nervous, but because she was someone I could truly confide in, so I wanted to explain it as clearly as possible.

"To be honest, I don't even know what to do anymore. This is the worst situation we've ever been in..."

_The hollow club-room after the Student Council President elections couldn't even hold a candle to this._

"Unlike back then, Yukinoshita and Yuigahama both chose to break away instead of continuing on, not willing to continue until our relationships became anymore superficial. Yukinoshita doesn't want us to keep going down the path we've been stuck on, so she wanted to break everything off from here."

_Whether it was the relationship between the three of us stagnating as we learned each other's feelings, or the co-dependent relationship between Yukinoshita and I, she didn't want to see where they would lead, and I agreed with that. That's why I couldn't reject her decision to end things._

"Meanwhile, Yuigahama, who loved our club more than all of us, can't do anything if the president herself wants to disband it, and because of that, she hasn't looked the same since we stopped meeting up."

_Even now after the prom, you can sometimes see Yuigahama looking like she did the day after the club disbanded, her eyes staring off in the distance. Unable to cope with the eyes that day, I tried to replace her treasure of gold with a chunk of pyrite rock, and for that, I was met with retribution in the form of an even more unforgivable expression on her face. So I have no right to reach out to her anymore._

"Now, the only choice I have left is to respect their wishes and let everything end."

_With no other options, I chose the door left to me, knowing that behind it was a familiar empty room._

Hiratsuka-sensei listened silently as I gave my answer, nodding at certain points, but the serious look on her face never changed.

After I finished, it appears it was her turn to think, as she closed her eyes for what felt like a long moment. I took another drink from my glass, and as I set it down, she looked up towards the ceiling and spoke,

"Hikigaya, when your parents bring back different flavored ice-cream for you and your little sister, and your little sister wants the same flavor as you, what do you do?"

Her question was obviously asking about something else, but using my little sister like that, I had to rebel, even if it was just a little bit.

"I'm usually the one buying the ice-cream and Komachi always comes with me to the convenience store so that's never happened", I stated with a certain level of pride.

Her eyelids lowered themselves, and her head tilted down slightly as she exhaled a small sigh. A set of narrowed eyes, exuding with impatience, turned in my direction.

"It's a hypothetical situation then. Just answer the question."

_It shouldn't even be a question what I would do. _I gave my answer with an unusual amount of enthusiasm,

"Of course, I would give Komachi the flavor she wanted, that's just the duty of a big brother."

Sensei nodded again, as if she asked the question, knowing what the response would be. A tiny smile grew from her face, and she spoke out with a soft voice,

"Just what I thought you'd say. As expected of a sis-con."

I was just about to comment on that undeserving assumption, but she continued on,

"Now tell me, Hikigaya, are those two also your little sisters?"

"Huh? Don't be ridicu..."

"Then why are you sacrificing what you want to do, to fulfill their wishes?"

This time, she stopped me before I could even finish, by throwing another question right as I was responding to the first. A question that hit me hard enough, it could have left a mark.

_Since when did I start doing that?_

"Hikigaya, not once from your answer did I hear what you wanted to do."

Sensei followed up her question, allowing me to see what she was trying to say.

_Why am I prioritizing them over myself?_

It was a difficult question to answer out loud, but ever since that time, I had began understand why. It was clear now that it wasn't a question I could answer if I just used my head, no amount of thinking would deliver; I had to rely on something else. I stammered out my answer, keeping my volume low and feeling warmth spread across my face.

"I-it's...because...I care about them."

Once again, Sensei nodded, this time looking almost proud with a motherly smile on her face.

"Mhm, alright. But you still haven't answered my question."

I furrowed my brows. _After embarrassing myself like that, I was still off? _Clearly reading my face, Sensei repeated herself so that I could rethink my answer.

"It's right that you care about them, Hikigaya. I don't think anyone can deny that. So tell me again, why are you sacrificing your own wishes to fulfill theirs?"

This time, I couldn't respond, but Hiratsuka-sensei wasn't done yet,

"You're still trying to protect them, Hikigaya. Didn't I already tell you that people will hurt each other just by existing? There's no need keep holding back, right?"

I was faced with the same logic I always relied on, this time pointed against me, but I couldn't meet it head on, because my response was not based on the same principle.

"As if I could be that selfish. After all that, no, even after all that, we still couldn't stay together...Are you saying I should trample all over their feelings and force my own decisions on them? Even after she's decided to end everything?"

"Why not?", Sensei responded without hesitation.

"What do you have to lose? Think about it this way: you're close to failing a class, but the professor has given you a chance to either pass with flying colors or fail completely. In your situation, you take those chances any day of the week, right?"

Her explanation made sense. She was a teacher, after all. I continued to think about it in silence, but I just couldn't agree with it.

"But, the only thing that connected us was that club, now there's no more reason for us to interact..."

"There is a reason.", she shook her head in rejection, "You want to talk to her. Isn't that reason enough?"

My thoughts were cut short as she interjected.

_Did I really need a complex or abstract reason to interact with her?_ _Was that really what was holding me back from talking to her? Wasn't it something else that I was afraid of?_

Meanwhile, the shop owner arrived with our food. We gave our thanks for the food and dug in, but after we finished I silently gave an apology to the owner in my mind, because in the end, I don't even remember how the ramen tasted.

"Whew, that really hit the spot today!", Sensei commented like old man as she rubbed her stomach.

I re-hydrated myself with the glass of water meanwhile.

"Are you planning on becoming a regular now?", I lightly teased, however, her blush was more than expected.

"I-I'm already a regular..."

"O-oh...I see. My bad."

"Don't apologize, please. It cuts even deeper...", I felt bad for ruining her parade.

_She was so happy just a second ago..._

"You know, Hikigaya? I've thought about meeting up with you after you all graduated. Rendezvousing at a ramen place like this, and talking about each other's life. I hope by then, you've given up on that dumb dream job of yours."

She spoke as if she was reminiscing an old memory from the future, shifting to a different topic.

"You mean as a house-husband? Even I realize that's never gonna happen, besides, I think I found something else I wanna do now."

I revealed something I had begun to think about, catching Sensei off guard.

"Oh? Don't keep me waiting. C'mon, tell your sensei your future plans."

It was something I was too shy to reveal to her right now, so I pushed the pressure back onto her.

"I'm more curious about your future plans."

I broached the topic I desperately wanted to talk about with her, much to her dismay. That excitement she gained dissipated again. Another sigh escaped from her lips,

"Yeah. It's been decided now. I'm transferring to a different school after this year is over. It's not too far from where I live now so I don't have to make any major accommodations, at least, living-wise."

The melancholic report of her situation was followed by her true desires,

"I really wanted to watch your guys' journey up to the very end, until graduation, but I know that life isn't that kind."

She paused after that, as if she was remembering something else from the past.

"That's why I truly wish that everything works out for you, Hikigaya."

I couldn't respond. It felt like there was nothing for me to say. I just silently accepted that desire she revealed.

Sensei continued on, "If everything works out for you, then let's meet-up at this place again.", flashing me a childish smile.

"In that case, you better be married by then."

"Gah, you honestly can't just nod cutely like a good kid, can you?", she ruffled my hair, before leaving it there for a second, "That maybe why you're my favorite though."

Faced with such blatant affection, I couldn't stop myself from blushing.

"Oho, so you're weak to compliments too, huh?", Hiratsuka-sensei laughed.

It wasn't long before it started getting late, and Sensei decided to call it a night. We payed our bills and left the store, preparing to head our separate ways.

"Well, I'm going this way now. I'll see you tomorrow, Hikigaya."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow.", I spoke those words, realizing that the times I could say that phrase to Hiratsuka-sensei were becoming numbered. I waved a goodbye and turned away, walking forth in the chilly night. Amid the sea of thoughts, a lone droplet overwhelmed all else:

_What did Hikigaya Hachiman want to do?_

* * *

A/N: Yo, I'm not dead. Just got distracted as I tried to figure out how I wanted to finish this. I'm planning to finish this in a couple more chapters, so an ending is definitely coming.


End file.
